V.

I think every word starting with the letter ‘V’ has a certain authoritative ring to it.

For today, my word is ‘void’.

Rhonda Byrne’s ‘The Secret’ teaches one to be thankful for everything that makes us happy, to be happy without external agencies making us so and to smile even if a little part of your soul is chipped off each day. See, that’s the thing. These pieces are tiny, their loss goes undetected. With every fake smile, with every forced laugh, with every YouTube playlist of sad songs on loop and with every sigh that escapes your lips that you brush off as condensation in winter; the chipping continues. You lie to your conscious, wrapping it up in blankets of fluff and safeguard it from your own scrutiny.

At night, with a book in hand you stare at the pages and sneak glances at the wall clock waiting for the right time to bid goodnight to the world. It arrives, finally. Once again sleep’s smokescreen blinds you to the gaping vacuum. Your subconscious rattles against the walls of your mind, screaming wordlessly about your deepest fears, aches and the fact that you have not had an honest conversation with anyone for a long time. Maybe you should. Sadly, these dreams last for not more than ten seconds. Ten seconds. You need more time to take just three deep breaths.

The alarm wakes you up and for a moment you lips droop much like a flower’s petals bowed down with the weight of dew. You shake it off because it is ‘good morning’ for a reason. You go through daily motions like a pendulum. It dutifully moves on its well versed trajectory unaware of the purpose it serves in a time when clocks are nothing but ornaments. You too are unaware. Or are you?

One day you do realise there is a void. No amount of comfort food fills it and no lung-squishing hug can fuse the edges of this vacuum. Much like a balloon with a small puncture letting out air steadily, shrinking yet valiantly trying to stay buoyant;  this void will crumple you. Unlike the balloon, you overcome this sinking effect caused not by gravity but the lead in the pit of your stomach.

The void still remains. You wonder what could fix it. You know the answer, maybe. The answer scares you, it requires you to trust something or someone.

Trusting someone is what caused the void in the first place, didn’t it?

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